A Conservative’s Letter To Santa Claus

Mr. Santa Claus
North Pole, The World

Re: 2009 Christmas Wish List

Dear Mr. Claus,

Well, its about that time of year. I’m a little late getting this letter off to you but I’ve been a pretty busy fellow, what with that Obama guy being elected and all. And yes, I know. I never call (I don’t know your number) and I only write once a year (at least I’m not always nagging you for things).

I have a feeling you’re really a borderline socialist and a closet conservative. I say that because you like to give away things to almost anyone (all socialists do that) but it doesn’t seem to cost me anything when you give away stuff to everybody else. Now if only the socialists could figure out how to do that, we’d all be a lot happier this Christmas.

I think you’re a closet conservative because, while you do give away things to almost everyone, you do qualify people who may be entitled to your gifts. My understanding of your entitlement structure requires that boys and girls “better be good for goodness sake” or they get nothing. Now, to me, that’s not a bad standard. After all, what good is rewarding bad behavior along with rewarding good behavior? If you do that, it muddles the point of why we’re supposed to be good. And no, we’re not supposed to be good just to get gifts from you, we’re supposed to be good because it is the right thing to do. The rewards for that should only be an afterthought.

But I digress. One other reason why I think you’re a closet conservative is because you’re a self-employed entrepreneur who has been able to maintain your business for centries without asking for a single government hand out. That, in itself, is a miracle of Christmas these days! Heck, with the high overhead of feeding reindeers, paying the elves and transportation costs of goods and materials to build all those things for people world wide, you’re a shining example of self-reliance and capitalist spirit. If you lived in the USA I wonder if you would be supporting the Tea Party effort? My bet says “yes.”

But again, I digress.

Let me bottom-line it for you, Mr. Clause. Here is what I would like under my tree for Christmas, 2009. In order of importance:

1. Peace in the world (Who doesn’t want that?)
2. An end to abortion (So millions more can enjoy Christmas, and life, for years to come.)
3. Defeated Obamacare (What American doesn’t want that?)
4. Congress listening to voters (That would be a change!)
5. The end of political correctness (So we can stop the “thought control” police.)
6. People becoming enlightened as to who President Obama really is (c’mon Santa, you know the guy’s a bad socialist!)
7. Representative Pelosi loosing her voice whenever she says something really stupid, mean or arrogant (which should be about all of the time, at that rate.)

I know its not a very long list and I really didn’t ask for anything for myself, personally. I really don’t have a lot of things but I do have the love of my spouse. And for me, that makes me a very rich person.

So, do me a favor if you can. Try to deliver that stuff on Christmas Eve. But if you need more time, that’s OK too, as long as it can get accomplished. Just remember that number’s 1 and 2 are pretty urgent.

Let me close this letter by wishing you, the Mrs. and all your associate elfs a wonderful, Merry Christmas and a most prosperous New Year in 2010.

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   mynenni says:

   December 18, 2009 at 12:47 pm

   Oh, he is a conservative alright; and not even a closet one. Yes, he freely gives gifts to everyone but, like you said, he does it of his own accord; the way a true conservative does. Give because it’s the right thing to do, not because you are forced to do so.

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     tessler says:

     December 19, 2009 at 9:29 am

     Very good point and so very true!

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